Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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