come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize