he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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