i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
