Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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