You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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