Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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