what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
