Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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