Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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