Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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