By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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