You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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