Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
