what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize