She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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