i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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