you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
