dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
