Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
