I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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