Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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