i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
