Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
