whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
