To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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