You smell like a Billy Joel song
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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