I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
