Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
