my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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