I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
