Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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