Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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