I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
