A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
