i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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