No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
