I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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