I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize