Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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