hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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