whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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