ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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