Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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