when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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