Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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