I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Terrible idea I love it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize