Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
