he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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