My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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