So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize