im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize