it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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