I'm so fucking centered right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
