Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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