I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
