I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
