The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
