just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
