You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
