Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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