they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I touched a dick in church today
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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