There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
