The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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