you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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