well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
