god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
