One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
