Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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