you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
