i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
